I haven’t written here in quite a while….-___- i’m sorry tumblr world!!! Did you guys miss me ? haha jk :)
I dont even know where to start because God has been pressing so many things upon my heart for this new school year. Without a doubt though, he is moving in unimaginable ways within our campus. I feel like He keeps showing me a glimpse of His heart day by day. My heart definitely burns and cries out for my family, friends, and my campus ministry. There is a reason why I am still stuck here. In no way do I consider it a bad thing…it’s just those flashbacks of my past 2 years haunt me to this day. I am who I am because of those painful memories…but the spiritual suppression does not always disappear. Anyway, the whole purpose of this post is to address the biggest issue that burdens my heart, which is compassion. For most of my life, I thought I was a pretty understanding person full of love and kindness. Don’t get me wrong, I was NICE, but superficial. I was GENUINE, but only to my closest friends. There’s a wave of change consuming me this new year….and it’s something I’ve never experienced before. Why is it that I feel heartache when I see a stranger eating alone…why do I cry when I discover people around me wanting to hurt themselves…and most of all why do I see me in all of them ? It’s scary to see all this happening before my eyes, but God is enlarging my heart and opening my eyes to see how despicable and wicked this generation is. I have visions and dreams for this year, in wanting to see the LOST walk in the light…hand in hand with US. Although I am still unworthy and far from perfect, I hate seeing people so compassionless and oblivious to see the things that matter because to God one precious soul matters…but what do we cling onto the most ?? Because in the bible it says we should take up our cross daily and surrender everything to Him ??? Do you think you actually do that ? I know I don’t everyday. Let’s just think about this today….what small thing can you do today to really care and put yourself in someone else’s shoes ???
If you would like to know more….read LUKE 14…about the wedding invitation . crazy stuff. hope God will teach you something valuable <3
GOD IS FAITHFUL AND HE IS GOOD. that’s all i can say. i just don’t understand why he is still blessing me and outpouring His love upon me…well I mean I do…but yeah. At the same time, I am overwhelmed and a bit scared of the spiritual encounters/attacks I will face maybe even at this retreat I am going to tomorrow. I’m really asking God for more wisdom and discernment because it is so necessary…especially when God is showing you so many things all at once…it’s truly difficult to take everything in. Please keep me in your prayers especially for my nasty coughs to go away so I can be used as a great counselor/ leader at this retreat. I hope that God will really show me what it means to be a humble servant and give me an even greater heart for the youth and children. Will update again when I’m back! Peace Out World.
P.S. God is so freaking good & funny once again…I was just downloading Savior, Please after reading donna’s post and when I opened the file I found out it was another song called Wait and See by Brandon Heath…I mean not all the lyrics relate to me because it’s about him but I just realized that God is trying to tell me he is not finished with me yet. These lyrics pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment.
There is hope for me yet Because God won’t forget All the plans he’s made for me I have to wait and see He’s not finished with me yet
Still wondering why I’m here Still wrestling with my fear But oh, He’s up to something And the farther on I go I’ve seen enough to know That I’m, not here for nothing He’s up to something
I never had faith. That’s why I never truly believed in my heart that Jesus died for me. Yes, I believed or so called thought I knew the words in the bible were truth and yeah I knew that God had sent his son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins and the whole world’s as well. I mean I pretty much grew up hearing it all the time and reading it in the Bible. But that’s just it, I didn’t believe that he had to die just for ME. All this time, I had so much fear and doubt in what God could accomplish through my life. I knew I was a sinner and completey unworthy of his grace, but the crazy thing is I never truly believed it from my heart until now. It’s so true how you can’t depend solely on facts or feelings. But I just realized that’s what I’ve been doing for most of my life. I still can’t believe it took me this long to truly understand. I’m still in awe of what God has been revealing to me this summer. The blessings just don’t stop. Like I said before, it’s indescribable because we just can’t put the words together to even imagine or describe how great our God really is. He really pressed into my heart this verse from Ephesians 3:20-21. I actually came across it randomly one day because I have my homepage set to verseoftheday.com…I was trying this new thing of wanting to be more holy throughout the year. haha. Anyway, I usually end up skimming the verses and don’t really meditate on them, but this one was so different for me because eversince I read that verse, God completely changed me. I just couldn’t get over this verse because I was reminded of how much I limited God especially when I was distant from Him and my prayers were weak. I thought he wasn’t listening. I forgot how sovereign and mighty he is because I made my problems seem so much bigger than Him. My whole focus this year was ME ME ME….i was so selfish to think that everything was seriously about me. I was completely blinded by this world’s expectation and standards, forgetting that my worth alone comes from the wonderful cross. I have so much to say that I feel like I’m not making any sense now…my thoughts are just all over the place. All I can say is that all the struggles I experienced especially this year was so so worth it! I mean it totally sucked and I felt crappy for a long time but now I have finally gained true joy & peace. I wish I could be more detailed about my struggles but I don’t think I’m ready to tell the whole tumblr community just yet. haha. I would definitely like to share my testimony with you if you are interested though. I know I’m a changed person now because I believe I’m great and perfect just the way God created me. For too long, I lived my life pleasing others just for the temporary satisfaction of feeling like I wasn’t worthless or just a “nobody”. However, now I understand and see the truth. He has humbled and amazed me. I would just like to share some verses that really helped me throughout this year. Hope they will encourage you as well :)
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen”- Ephesians 3:20-21
“My grace is sufficent for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”- 2 Corinthians 12:9
“We must go through many hardships to go through the kingdom of heaven:- Acts 14:22
“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart”- 1 Samuel 16:7
“He has made everything beautiful in its time.” -Ecclesiastes 3:11
credit to sheenalovessunsets for her awesome drawings :)
Hello :) I'm Carny.
Just an ordinary girl waiting for God to do extraordinary things through me. May God become greater and be glorified through me. He NEVER fails.
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